Micro-blogging is killing my journal. I haven't made a decent update in weeks! It's hard to admit, but I think I'm starting to outgrow this journal, or I'm just finding excuses to do other things online (like Facebook and YouTube). Or I could be just lazy and starting to lose my command of the language. Sooner or later when I get all too busy to be online, I'll start forgetting how to write essays, and my so-called "literary work" would sound boring as ever. Everyday I'm expanding my arsenal of scientific terms, but at the same time, I'm slowly finding it more and more difficult to do creative writing without sitting through a moment of writer's block. I'm pretty lucky to be able to even squeeze some of my time for drawing, but unfortunately, I haven't done anything new since July. My art materials are shunned in a corner (or several corners, as they might've been carelessly scattered all over my room) gathering dust.

By the end of this semester (which is on October 13), I will officially be half-way through medical school. Yes, I will be officially mid-way through my third year in medschool, half a semester away from being JI (Junior Intern), a year-and-a-half away from my graduation from UERM Medicine class 2011, and two-and-a-half years before I take the board exams. It sounds like a short time away from now, but in the shoes of a medical student, it's more like a lifetime away. Friends of my folks often remark, "Sandali na lang 'yan!" to which I would simply shrug, because, really (for lack of a better phrase) it's easier said than done.

Some of my friends back in high school and college who are already working would tell me how much they miss being in school and how lucky I am to be free from "adult responsibilities." I've grown tired of explaining how medschool isn't anything like college at all, except maybe the fact that you're living on allowance. But everything else--schedules, loads, exams, expectations, classmates, weekends--is an entirely new culture. Impromptu movie dates are a thing of the past, because really, if I could choose to ditch I would spend it on catching up on my sleep backlog.

One of my professors said in a lecture that medical school is like extended adolescence. I guess that's true, being an "adolescent" in my 20's means that I don't pay taxes, I live on allowance, I remain to be a "dependent," and strong rains translate to no classes. But on the downside, this late adolescent phase equates to delayed maturity, delayed independence and delayed freedom to explore other interests without jeopardizing my one responsibility: school. This isn't like college where in failing 3 units would simply mean retaking it at another sem. Being aware of just how your expenses for each school year reach up to six figures (and 4 times that) eats you up every time you think about it. I've (almost) come to terms with the fact that I would finally be able to spend for my 1st trip to Disneyland probably in my late 30's. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get what I mean. This profession doesn't happen to be the shortest route to being filthy rich.

So here I am, a few weeks before the half-way mark, counting down to the next week-long break (countdowns usually commence after the end of the previous break), still feeling half-cooked and under prepared, but ironically itching to finish at the same time. Yeah, let's just get this over and done with...what a dramatic path I've chosen to start a career (or technically, prepare for a career since I haven't even started yet). While my friends are already on their own, getting married, starting a family and building up their careers, I remain here, buried under piles of books, making homework as an excuse to miss a girls' night out, and looking forward to coming home on weekends from the dorm. I'm still a kid, I guess, and I will remain to be one for the next couple of years. Don't expect too much from me, world, while I'm on my way there. I'm still baking in the oven.

It's here! It's here! FINALLY!!!




Melchior (Joaquin Valdes) and Wendla (Kelly Lati)

I CAN'T WAIT!

I love Freddy Rodriguez. Now I want to go on a Six Feet Under marathon!

I want to Get a Mac, but my non-existent funds can't afford it. :/

I'm checking my mail (among other things) using my phone as a modem. Standard rates apply (Php 10/30 mins) but this is sooo cool. Haha. Pardon my ignorance. :P My dorm doesn't have an internet connection kasi.

It looks like I'm on a roll. I made a new painting last night.

Seeing how much I've invested on mastering the craft of drawing portraits in pencil, I figured why not do it in my favorite medium, which is watercolor? Hehe. Here it is, my first portrait/picture of a child done in watercolor. I've done the same photo in pencil almost a year ago (about the time when I decided to draw again after a 3-month drought because I saw "Great Expectations" [1998] starring Ethan Hawk as a painter). I have tons of ideas running through my head right now, and my hands have to work double time just to catch up before I forget what those ideas were. I'm waiting for classes to finally start so 1) I could get my allowance, 2) with that money I could purchase new art materials since I've been working with those I've owned since high school. Hahaha.

( A series of pictures showing the drawing process )


The finished product


There. I hope you like it. Comment, if you please. I love comments. Show me with love. Hehe. I wish I could do this for a living. I should've taken Fine Arts back in college.

Send me a lifeboat.

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

Hahaha.

Last night, when I finally made an attempt to draw with charcoal.

I finally made an attempt to draw in charcoal. It was a hard decision between sticking with the usual graphite pencil that I use and this stick of charcoal I bought years ago out of curiosity. A hard decision becuase 1) any mistake I make with charcoal is irreparable, and 2) I don't want to waste a good sketch of Brandon's face (a waste of paper and a waste of effort I may not be able to repeat). But then the primary reason why I drew this sketch is to color it with charcoal...so I had to take the risk.

Which turned out pretty good. I used only one stick of charcoal (meaning, only one shade and not those fancy ones that come in different shades inside expensive boxes). To "soften" the darkness and texture of charcoal on paper, I used a smudge stick (what a marvelous invention I only discovered at the bookstore yesterday), a paint brush (to create shadows and spread the charcoal) and tada! several Q-tips. Q-tips! Yes, as an alternative to the smudge stick, which has suffered too much um, friction.

I drew the sketch with a mechanical pencil first, so I would create only fine lines that won't be obvious once I draw charcoal over them. For some reason I don't know yet at this point, charcoal repels graphite...

I'm not sure if putting in the words of "Drive" improved the portrait or made it worse. You be the judge. I just figured that not everyone would recognize Brandon Boyd's portrait at one glance...some people would probably need a hint (unless you're one crazy fangirl like me). Anyway, "Drive" is probably among my top 5 favorite Incubus songs. And the video for that song happens to be my favorite among all the Incubus videos. I love the animation sequence. And I love it even more that Brandon and Jose (the drummer) are behind the artwork. I resisted the urge to actually make a screen cap of the animation and copy that instead (haha, cheating). Next time I'll try using ink as my medium. Let me save up for a decent pen first.

You can also see down there that I posted a small sketch of Brandon in graphite so you could see the difference between graphite and charcoal. Graphite is slightly gray-er and softer than charcoal. My next project is working with acrylics. I've never done acrylic paintings before.



The drawing process (in the first pic, I was scared at that point, because once I start with adding the charcoal, it would be the point of no return)


The finished product

( Click under the cut for a bigger size )

( My materials, Brandon in Graphite and the screen cap I copied )

My mistakes in this drawing:
1) I used plain paper from my sketchpad--no texture like real paper for charcoal drawings
2) I didn't do enough research on the types of charcoal. It would've worked to my advantage if I knew other shades are available

So there. Hope you liked it, be it for the fact that you have a thing for art or because it's Brandon Boyd. Hehe.

I haven't picked up the paint brush for a year. The last watercolor painting I made was a portrait of myself at 2 years old, when I attempted to create some "shading" in my drawing with paint. I couldn't shade properly with a pencil. I have practiced the shading part for a year with several attempts to draw pencil portraits. Now I miss using the paint brush.

Since I saw the new Incubus vid for "Black Heart Inertia," I remembered how Brandon Boyd is an excellent painter, and I kinda got jealous of how he has created enough artwork to hold his own exhibit. Now that's my life-long dream, hold an exhibit of my own work. I wouldn't be able to do that if I have only a couple of drawings and paintings (and maybe a good number of anime/fandom fanart which don't really count as exhibit-worthy). And besides, I'm not really into parting with my own work for selling--yet.

So now I picked up the paint brush again, this time finishing an old watercolor sketch I promised I'd finish for my mom. I'm only finishing this one because I have an idea for another watercolor painting, and I hate moving on to a new artwork while leaving one unfinished. I have this hardly used pad of watercolor paper (only one sheet has been used so far) and now it's about 1 1/2 years old already. 14 more sheets to fill out. I also brought out my watercolor paints, which have managed to accumulate some mold on top of the "cakes" of paint. Haha.

Here it is. I may not be a great cook like my mom is, but I sure can whip up a tasty dish of pasta:



( Click under the cut for a larger size of the painting )

I plan to raise some money for a new set of oil paints (mine have hardened in their tubes that I can't open them anymore). I have a blank canvas that has been sitting in my room for years...and I haven't painted using oils since I was 16 :P

I was looking back on my old entries and I realized that my first Twilight post was written on January 2007.

Now that it's mainstream, ang corny na. Hahaha.

Initially I planned to fill my sketchbook from cover to cover this summer, but here, I ended up with JUST ONE. I drew a pic of my mom and my Kuya Robby when he was about 2 yrs old (4 years before I was born). The picture was taken at Rizal Beach, Gubat, Sorsogon. My brother was frowning when the photo was taken because my mom had to call him out of the water.

I'm particularly proud of what I did with the hair, which took me a while to finish. The proportions of the face aren't perfect, and I made my mom's lips thicker than they should be...hey, I still have a lot to learn.

I used 5B and 6B pencils for this one. As usual. Next time I'll try 100% charcoal. Never done that before :P




"Before" sketch


The picture I copied


My materials

( Click for a bigger size of the drawing )

What a dapper O'Malley!

I'm too lazy to put things under a cut, so I just want to say that those last 2 minutes had me replaying the scene over and over again. I love George, he's just adorable :)

On GG: I know that I keep saying that I love Chuck/Blair, but I enjoy the "chase" and the drama before they get together even more than the fact that they're together now. I must say though that Chuck's I love you, too did make me gush like a fangirl.

And finally, on the AI finale: Thanks KRIS, you made me proud!!! (so, does that mean he's paying a visit here soon then? HAHA)



Why is everything ending??? Now I'm running out of shows to watch. Good thing the new season of Weeds is coming out soon.

As some of you may know, I joined PETA's (Phil Educational Theater Association) Basic Acting for Theater Workshop four weeks ago because 1) I've always wanted to try theater, 2) I want to get my mind of anything related to med, and 3) I had an itch that needed to be scratched. I enjoyed every class I attended--honestly, more than any of my classes in school. I loved being with a new set of friends. I didn't know anybody when I started, but I met 19 new people who had the same passion for theater as I have--maybe even more. Like I said before, I'll miss this when it's over--now I do.

I attended 20 4-hour sessions scheduled from 6-10 pm every weeknight. I dabbled in different forms of acting: realism, absurdity, Brecht and even musicals. Now and then we had to perform on stage. We started with a monologue (where I played a prositute), then we had a one-act play for the midway showcase entitled "Ang Tatay Mong Kalbo" (an absurd play). Last Saturday we had our final showcase/graduation, where we presented "Buhay Pinoy Ngayon," a one-act play we wrote ourselves. It deals with 4 social issues: Education, poverty, health and politics. I was involved mostly on the health issues.

I love the feeling of acting on stage. I love it that even though my heart was ready to jump out of my chest seconds before I took the stage, all the tension goes away once I take that first step, blinded by the stage lights, and feeling the audience watching me. It makes me feel high. :) The best part is the curtain call, because I get to bow before the audience as I just let my eyes sweep across the theater, just taking it all in. Sigh.


At the dressing room, minutes before the play. My mom said I didn't have enough make-up on. Hahaha.


The first segment of the play on EDUCATION, where I was one of the public-school-students-turned-dropouts. The scenes here show the "musical" part of our play. Check out my new shorter 'do. :)


The POVERTY and HEALTH segments, respectively. The scene on the left shows our "barricade" against the demolishers. On the right shows me as "FUND," holding the oxygen mask everyone is fighting over for. The mask supposedly represents change.


The POLITICS segment is shown on the left, depicting "Baby Glow" and the Filipino people, clamoring for health benefits. On the right is the epilogue or final spectacle of our play, where we sang "Panata sa Kalayaan" as we tied ropes around "Juan dela Cruz" (representing the Filipinos' deprivation of their rights) and draped the flag's colors over the ropes, to signify Filipinos working as one nation to bring hope amidst the nation's crises.


Our final class picture, after receiving our certificates. Our 2 facilitators are also in the pic: Julia Enriquez (2nd from the left in purple) and Direk Soxie Topacio (5th from the right). I'll miss this bunch of people.

I'll miss the PETA theater center. Every time I walk into that building, I feel like I want to start singing something, hehe. It has an atmosphere of creativity. All the weirdos and the passionate and the "imaginatives" and the "creatives" (and the 'mos and the non-'mos and the 'bos as well) are all there. I'll definitely come back. :)



Pictures were taken from my friend Bingbong's multiply album: http://bingbong615.multiply.com

I turned 23 yesterday. My day wasn't that eventful. I didn't party, drink the night away and pass out drunk (though come to think of it, I kinda wish I did). I took two close friends out to lunch to try Flapjacks (I love chocolate chip pancakes). I missed these two ladies--we were practically inseparable back in college. We were like a 3-in-1 coffee mix. Haha. So it was nice to spend my birthday with them. Sana maulit hanggang tumanda kami. :P



My friends at PETA sang the birthday song for me. A birthday isn't quite a birthday without hearing that song. Kulang na lang blowing out the candles.





How did I spend the last hour of my birthday? Watching GG 2x23. I just gotta say the Chuck/Blair scene = one of the best moments EVAR (insert squeeing fangirl here). Chuck with feelings! I have to admit that the lines were cheesy, but what the heck, GG is one of my guilty pleasures. CHUCK is my guilty pleasure. I just <3 him. And Ed Westwick.

blair: last fall you said we couldn't be together. and i believed you. but everytime i try to move on you're right there, acting like -
chuck: acting like what?
blair: like - but you just want me to be as unhappy as you are.
chuck: i would never wish that on anyone. i want you to be happy.
blair: then look down deep into the soul i know you have and tell me if what you feel for me is real or if it's just a game. if it's real... we'll figure it out, all of us. but if it's not... then please, chuck, just let me go.
chuck: [pause, he smiles] it's just a game. i hate to lose, you're free to go.
blair: [forces a smile] thank you [leaves]

serena: chuck, why did you just do that?
chuck: because i love her and i can't make her happy.


Sigh. :P

My first monologue last night was a success. Seconds before my turn on stage, I swear my heart was ready to smash out of my ribcage. However, all I had to do was just say the first couple of lines and there--anxiety gone. I didn't forget any of my lines! Hurrah! I was really set on messing up my act one way or another. I was waiting for that 5 second awkward gap in between as I groped for my lost lines. It didn't happen. I'm immensely proud :)

Out of the 20 monologues, I'm pretty sure that mine wasn't that memorable at all. Some of my classmates were really exceptional, and mind you, some monologues were 4 times as long as mine. The best thing is, I surpassed my own expectations. I got over my stage fright at the first try :) The other great thing is, during the critique on the performances, Soxie said my performance was relaxed, natural and free of tension. A compliment from Soxie Topacio! Now that's priceless!

Too bad though, the tape that was used to record our performances got busted, so I have no proof of my first acting stint as an exclusive school student turned prostitute. I didn't even invite anyone to watch me yesterday :( Oh well. It only means I have to do it again some time :)

We have a midway showcase on Friday, 7 pm. It's a showcase featuring all the night classes: Basic Acting for Theater (that's my class), Creative Musical Theater and Creative Dance. My class is doing "Ang Tatay Mong Kalbo," where I'm playing (a small role) Mr. Reyes. It's a one-act play, and every character is played by at least 4 people (simultaneously!). Everyone is invited to watch. It's free! :)

I started my Basic Acting for Theater workshop at PETA (Philippine Educational Theater Association) this week. I've had four sessions so far, and it's quite an experience. I've been doing things completely out of my box...spontaneous monologues, warm-ups that make me look idiotic / epileptic, standing in character in front of my classmates while I act like a prostitute. Everyday I walk into the studio scared, nervous and excited, and after four hours of shouting, running, jumping up and down and acting, I exit the theater exhausted, hungry and a wee bit more confident. It's all good. I'm hoping I will soon get over my stage fright without wishing I took beta-blockers for my anxiety. :P

Our facilitator is Direk Soxie Topacio. He's done a lot of work on film and in theater. To be honest thought, I wasn't familiar with him before PETA...it only goes to show how little I know about local theater productions. I still have a lot to learn :P

Initially I intended to enroll at Repertory Philippines because their productions are in English. I've been wanting to join Rep since high school, but I couldn't because it's too expensive. However, when I checked it out now the workshops have already started last March 30 and they've relocated from Shangri-la Mall to Makati. I figured that I will save more time, gas and money if I went to PETA instead, which is closer to my house. I think I made a good decision just the same. Maybe next time I can try Rep's workshops :)

On Monday we'll be presenting our individual monologues onstage, complete with costumes and blocking and a bigger audience. I'm scared shitless. :P

Is there a place here where I can buy old iPod casings? Like for the 5th gen 30 GB iPod classic?

I'm here in Sorsogon right now. In 6 hours I'll be on a bus for a 12-hour trip back to Manila. I'd love to stay longer, like I always have every summer, but I have to get back to work on my thesis and (possibly) enroll for a summer workshop at PETA (yup, that PETA).

I enjoy staying here. Our ancestral house is a walking distance from the pier, so we could literally smell the sea from here. Every day is a feast with the food--like it's not holy week or Good Friday. Seafood abounds! Not to mention the very spicy food (Bicol Express, anyone?). Last Friday, I joined my cousin and my uncle in the procession, where we walked barefoot on the streets for about 4 kms (yup, barefoot for 4 kms). It's my atonement for eating lechon paksiw last Friday, and for being a bad girl the past year. Hahaha.


Our ancestral house (the photo was taken by my cousin Ian)

This is our ancestral house, built in 1953. My grandfather from my dad's side designed this house (he's a doctor but a frustrated engineer). The walls are made of adobe (but they repainted it recently in an awful yellow color, :P). I've stayed in this house every summer for the past 23 years. The family clinic is located right next to the house, in a building that's even older. The clinic was established in 1947--so it's 62 years old now.

Sorsogon city is not as developed as Cebu, Davao or Baguio, but we take pride in our beaches. There hasn't been a summer in my life that I haven't gone to the beach and sported a tan afterwards--like it matters if I get a tan...I'm too dark as it is for people to notice. Hahaha. The beaches here aren't like Boracay and Palawan, but hey, those aren't the only tourist worthy beaches we have here (a fact that sadly, not a lot of people know). Last Thursday, this is where I went:


Paguriran beach in Sawanga, 1 hour away from our house

Paguriran beach has a large rock formation near the shore, which has a lagoon at the center. We only walked from the shore to reach this spot (the water was low tide). Clear water + sea breeze + unpopulated beach = picture perfect. The lagoon had portions which are deep, some are shallow. I was able to spot some fish, a crab and plenty of corals. On top of one of the rocks is the base of a now destroyed light house.


Dancalan beach, also 1 hour away from our house. That's me on the center / slightly to the left (the photo was taken by my cousin Ian)

Dancalan beach is a more populated area, since there is a resort there. But we went there last Wednesday, still early into the holy week, so it wasn't that crowded yet. The beach was also clear and clean, but it takes a very long walk from the shore to reach the portion where the water gets deeper. The walk is a painful one though, because the floor of the beach is covered with rocks, corals and (!) sea urchins.

So there, that's a short narrative on my dad's hometown, and only two of our great beaches. I've yet to see the even better ones (Caramoan, Camarines Sur, etc). Hope you guys try to take check out these other beaches that we have. Hindi lang naman Boracay, Palawan, Zambales o Pangasinan meron tayo, hehe.